3.31.2008

Open Your Heart?

When we met, she said that she wanted a guy who could express himself. A brother who was not afraid to discuss his emotions with his woman. This was not the first time I had heard a sister express this desire for me to open up but it was the first time that I was seriously considering it. The women who had made this request in the past had not been the type of women who inspire a man to be his better self. They were the type of women that a man only gave the amount of effort necessary to keep the relationship going until it reached its expiration date. But she is different. She is the kind of woman that a man will get his shit together for and make sure it stays together so he can keep her around. So here I am, reaching deep inside and putting all my sensitive stuff on the table.

Despite what I said before, this is not the first time expressing my feelings to a woman. I just had not done it verbally. Like most men, I express my feelings for a woman by actions and not words. Any of my female friends who come to me for advice about dating will tell you that at some point I said to them, “Fuck what he said. What did he do?” The deeds of a man truly tell how he feels about a woman. That is how we express our love and devotion to our wives and our interest in potential girlfriends. However, every man reading this post can tell you about a conversation he’s had with a woman where she has told him that despite all he does for her she would love to hear how he feels every once and a while. My experience tells me that women ask for it but I am not sure if they really want to hear it.

As Jack Nicholson said in that movie, “You can’t handle the truth!” I had a sister tell me, after I had just opened up and expressed my interest in building a serious relationship with her, that she could not trust what I was saying; could not take me at face value because she did not know if I was just saying what I thought she wanted to hear. How do you overcome that type of mistrust? I understand that experience can make you suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true. However, it is what you asked for, right? It seems as if some women are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. They are so used to guys kicking game at them that a sincere gesture does not stand a chance. Of course, I know that I am making a generalization that does not apply to all women. Just speaking from my experience and from stories, I have heard.

Ladies:
Are you ready for the type of love you say you want?
Why is it so difficult to accept a man who is expressing his true emotions to you?

Men:
Have you ever opened your heart to a woman and she did not accept it?
Does it make you reluctant to express yourself more freely in a relationship?

8 comments:

RealHustla said...

Have you been eaves dropping on my counseling sessions, LOL? I've been lied to so much, I don't know what the truth looks like anymore. I must agree, actions would probably make it easier for me. I also think that some of the men who've promises to me just changed their minds about keeping them at some point. Maybe they thought that I wasn't worth the effort or that they had gotten in over their heads, I don't know. But, to answer your question. Yes, I'm really ready for the type of love I say I want. But mostly because now, I finally know what I need.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

wow...i admire your honesty and what an eye opener...for some reason in the past I did put a lot of faith into a man's word and was often disappointed..now you are making me consider and study his actions as well...cuz if a man wants to be with you..he WILL be with you..and not just talk about it, he'll show you..like Morris said "I want some ACTION..let's see some azzes wiggling I need some perfection"

okay back to my point...*snicker*

I have truly accepted all men that were great communicators of their feelings because I know its so rare.

...and yes..i'm ready

Opinionated Diva said...

Why is it difficult to accept the type of love you say you want?

Because...for every man that is being real, there are probably ten more that were full of shyt. I think we can all look back at SOMEone from our past that was SERIOUSLY not what they SAID they were. So yeah, it's hard to accept with the next dude is saying at face value.

I can't say it's difficult for me to accept a man expressing his true emotions...because they're just words. I'm more concerned with his actions. I'd take a man that shows me he loves over a man that says he loves me...any day!

Skoolboi Krush said...

realhustla - I guess your counselor must be next door to mine and I'm hearing you through the walls. LOL Knowing the difference between what you want and what you need is so important. That path to self-discovery is what I am on and although it is painful, it has been rewarding too.

GG - A little Purple Rain flashback, huh? LOL So you love a guy who can communicate but are you sure that you can accept what he tells you?

ODiva - So are you saying that you just dismiss anything a guy tells you until his actions reinforce those words? You still want to hear him say it though, right?

NyRobi said...

My my my...hmmm... very good question krush... ok here it goes...

I believe I am ready, I just haven't come across the man that has been able and or willing to provide the type of love I need. What I need is basic, nothing over the top, not that Harlequin Romance type *ish*. The simple things in life are what move me.

I guess the reason it's hard to accept is because you don't always know what's true. Whether woman admit it or not, the same way we were conditioned to feel like we need a man in our lives in order to feel complete, we were also conditioned to believe that men will say anything to get what they want... the panties. Though this might be true in a lot of cases, I don't believe that is true in all.

So I patiently wait for "that dude" to happen by me while I sit on a park bench writing some deep philisophical *ish* is my journal while the sun shines through my red hair, my smile will meet his and... wait I said no Harlequin romance stuff... my bad. LOL!

Eb the Celeb said...

Well I dont have much experience in this dept. I have never had a man come out and tell me his feelings unless he thought that he was going to lose me. So for me its like why did it have to get to that point. Either we were in a relationship and he was fucking up and still wanted me to be there... or he is someone who I was casually dating that saw I was either being distant or not showing him as much attention that he feels a female should. So me knowing that most of the time it wasn't coming from a genuine place makes it harder now. But I feel I would be able to tell if it was coming from a genuine place. I mean I know what the opposite looks like so it shouldnt be too hard.

I think as women we have a lot of preconceived notions about relationships and certain types of guys and have a hard time believing that we might have one that is different. And since it takes so long for men to actually express their feelings... it then takes us some time to take it all in after you finally do.

That's just my 2 sense... but hey what do I know...

Vivrant Thang said...

Very introspective post. And good to see that you've find a woman that makes you want to be a better man...and you can recognize her for those qualities.

No, I'm not currently ready but I'm working on it. At least I know I'm not ready. Tragically, I know too many women that can't see that they ain't ready and will keep repeating the same patterns. I'm so glad I got both eyes open.

It's not difficult for me because I VERY intuitively know when I'm being fed a line of BOOLSHYT. (Now whether I act on that knowledge is a different story). So if a man is trying to open up to me and is sincere, I'll recognize it for that.

I admit I do wait for the other shoe to drop. But that has to do with ME and my issues, not him. And I'm working on that.

In my last relationship, the issue was that he started opening up to me and I believed it. Can't make that type of stuff up. But he was still so f'ed up about the things he was opening up to me about that the whole thing got f'ed up.

Again, I can only fix myself. Which is what you're doing. Bravo.

SimplyComplex said...

I haven't been ready for a long time. I'd like to them that I am closer to being ready, than I was 6 months ago. I also know that it will take me less time to heal from this heartache than it took for me to heal from the one before.
I've been in love twice. Both times I was lied to. Over and over. Big lies. Little lies. White lies. Life changing lies. Some of them were so convincing. I look back now and it's scary that a person can lie so easily, and that a person can make himself believe his own lies.
I've been burned. I'm cautious. Very much so. That's why it's so difficult.