Are You Qualified?

I heard a woman say recently that men do not know what they want when it comes to women. A dude will proclaim all day that he wants a model-thin chick with long hair and green eyes. Next thing you know, he is all up under a thick dark skin sister with a natural. The dude claiming to want an independent woman always seems to find a clingy low self-esteem chick to call his boo. I was going to protest her generalization until I thought about my list. A while back, I posted a short list of the basic requirements that I look for in a potential mate. Even after creating the list, I knew that it was not something that could be carved into stone. For every rule, there is an exception, right? The initial list that I posted got some very interesting responses included someone giving me the serious side-eye for being so shallow. Admittedly, it was superficial but I can be that way sometimes. Since that time, I have gone from single man to being in a happily committed relationship. My new significant other (SO) breaks most of those rules so it is time to rethink and revise what qualities I find attractive in a woman. No, I am not catering this list to match her qualities but a brother is under her sexy influence.

Worker – Relationships are work and I do not want to be the only one fighting to make this thing last. You do not have to wait until some drama occurs to find out if a woman is a worker. The tell tale sign is if she works hard to build a good foundation for your relationship (open honest communication, support, encouragement and fights fair)

Passionate – I love someone who has passion for life. Whether it is passion for work, travel, sports, partying or family, please just do not be dry. Life is full of difficulties and I do not want to go through it with someone who is just going through the motions. This can also apply to your sex life. A woman who is passionate about it will always keep it fresh and exciting.

Friendship – As important as it is to be in love, I think it may be more important that you like the person. I want someone I can share a laugh with, chill and watch movies with, and talk about my fears with.

Communicator – In the past, I was not a big talker when it came to relationships but lately I am trying to change. I realize that one of the most important building blocks for a good relationship is communication. One thing I have found frustrating is a woman who talks all the time but cannot express clearly how she feels. You know the type who talks just to hear herself talk. I need a woman who can effectively tell me what is going on with her so that we can deal with it. She also cannot forget that communication is a two-way street and she has to listen just as well as she talks.

Learner – Every day should teach you something new. A woman who craves knowledge and new experiences is very attractive to me. I have met some women who have not read a book since college, do not watch the news and have not travelled anywhere outside of their city/state. That is pathetic.

Teacher – Show me something new. Help me to grow as a person. The woman who I am interested in should not be a female version of me. She should have different interests. Like poetry, Janet Jackson, knitting, rock climbing or something that I usually do not mess with. I can warm some food but if you show me how to make your favorite dish the way you like, I will do it for you when you least expect it.

Sense of Humor – I can be silly and goofy so I need a woman who can appreciate a good laugh. She cannot be too serious and not know how to laugh at herself sometimes. Laughing is the only way to get through some of life’s hard times.

Spiritual – I grew up going to church every Sunday but I will not lie and say that I was active or engaged. As I have grown older, I have gained a new appreciation for having a healthy and active spiritual life. On judgment day, each person will have to answer for him or herself. While we are here I need someone who can help me pray. This goes back to the Learner and Teacher qualities that I want in a woman.

Faithful – I do not mean faithful as in not cheating here but that does apply. What I am talking about is a woman who believes in her man and our relationship. Yes, I know that I have to prove myself to her in order for that to happen. I am willing to do my part. As Ike told Anna Mae, “You got to have faith in me!” A woman who believes in what we are doing and is not waiting to see if something better comes along. I am not where I thought I would be in life but I still have plans for the future. If she can stand by me through the rough times, I will show her my appreciation when we win.

Sexy – All these qualities are good but if there is not a biological attraction between us, we are going to have issues. My definition of sexy has nothing to do with how short you wear a skirt or if you cleavage is dangling. It is all about attitude and self-confidence. Nothing turns me on more than a woman who knows what she has and how to work it.

This a good list but by no means complete. Let me know what y'all are looking for. Also, was my homegirl right? Do men not know what they want when it comes to relationships?


Vivrant Thang said...

My side-eye can relax because this is the list I knew was in there. Apparently, the right woman just needed to come along to make you dig a little deeper. And I also say "right woman" cause when a man is doing some serious introspection and actively working on being a better man for the woman in his life, she must be a winner. *applause*

I won't generalize and say that all men don't know what they want. But very few actively think about it like women do. They just know when she shows up.

I won't blog in your comments about what I'm looking for. I may blog about it one day. Let's just say it has evolved and changed over the years as I've thought about my past relationships and what was good and bad. I've taken the time to differentiate my needs versus my wants. Actually, a lot of the same things on your list are on mine in some form or fashion.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

great list Krush much better than the dec. 2007 list..I think all of us want most of these..if not all.
my favorite is the faithful...I do want a love I can believe in and know that we will grow together and love each other unconditionally.

I wanna win!...I wanna win!...I win, I win, I win {whew just had to get that out} got Bilal on the brain this morning..


I do think most men know exactly what they want...sometimes they just settle for something temporary instead of waiting for the REAL thing...and sometimes the REAL thing comes along at the right time when you are not even looking for it. Thats when you have to hold on tight and never let go. Thats what I plan on doing.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

I do and say so, to give the woman up front time to think about and either accept me or move on. dont play wih my feelings and me being honest. great post

Skoolboi Krush said...

Vivrant - I'm glad you didn't give me the side eye of the week...week...week! LOL I will have to agree with you about guys not knowing what characteristics the right woman possess until she is right in front of him. The trick is to be able to recognize it and not let her get away.

Dub G - Growing together is nice in concept but what happens if people grow at a different pace? Timing is everything when it comes to relationships. Sometimes it is just fate that brings two people together when both of them are ready for each other. Love that Bilal joint. Just got my CD back from my girl. She was flossin' it in her ride like I gave it to her.

All-Mi-T - Thanks, bruh! How do women react to you being so upfront?

MsPuddin said...

You re cheating on me??? j/p I didnt know that you had met someone. This is good news...

Blah Blah Blah said...

Good post Krush. I like when a man expresses himself...intelligently.