4.28.2008

Ready Made

Lately, my weekends have been very different from what I thought they would be at the beginning of this year. Remember my NYE post about setting a goal to get out and be more social. Well, I am achieving that goal but in a totally different way than I expected. You see, my new girlfriend has a daughter who plays basketball. The last few weekends she has had tournaments that have taken up the bulk of the weekend. I’m not complaining because it’s been perfect for me. Anybody who knows me will tell you that I’m a basketball junkie and will watch it being played by anyone from little kids to senior citizens. Also, it gives me some good quality time to bond with my girl’s kids. Something I’ve been very nervous about from the beginning of our relationship.

It used to be a rule of mine to never deal with a woman with kids especially if the kids were less ten years old. Always felt like someone (either her or her ex) was trying to get his or her family back together and that eventually it was going to happen. As I’ve matured, I’ve come to the understanding that rules can be bent and broken if we are talking about the right woman. I’ve only dated two women with kids in my entire life. One’s child was off in college so they weren’t in the house and the other’s baby was a full-blown teenager who always had an attitude. Neither situation worked out but it wasn’t because of the kids. I’m at a point now where I don’t mind a woman having kids. Matter of fact, I kind of like that scenario better. Keeps my mother from asking me when I’m going to give her some grand babies.

A friend of mine who has kids told me recently that she would disqualify potential guys if they didn’t already have children. She said, “Either they are going to want kids, which I am not able to do, or they are not going to be able to deal with my kids coming first in my life!” I could definitely understand her feeling that way but I had to remind her that there are guys out here who will accept the whole package. I may be naive or just too optimistic about that but I truly feel that way. Maybe my current situation has me thinking all family-oriented.

Questions of the day:
What are your rules about dating women/men with kids?
If you have kids, have you run into people who were turned off by that?
Do you worry about potential mates not accepting you and your kid(s)?

14 comments:

Opinionated Diva said...

I used to have strict rules about dating men with kids...I would not date them.

I just didn't want to go through the whole baby momma drama bull crap, but the older I get...I realize there aren't too many men who don't have children, so I was really limiting potential daters.

Now my one rule is that child has to be out of infancy. I have nothing against babies, but that relationship is still too newly broken up...I don't want to get involved.

Opinionated Diva said...

PS: Luv the new layout!

Ieisha said...

I don't have a set of rules for dating a man with children. It's harder to find a man my age that doesn't have at least 1 if not more. The golden rule for a man with children is THAT HE MUST TAKE CARE OF THEM!!!!!!!!! No deadbeats!

Since I have a little one, anyone I date does not meet him for a long while. Considering I've only been newly single for about a year now, there haven't been many guys to even have to worry about that.

I meet plenty of men who are blown away by the fact that I have a child. I think to them it's more of a problem that I have a child than children in general.

If the guy I date cannot accept my son, I am not dating him anymore. Period.

Skoolboi Krush said...

ODiva - I used to think the same way about a woman having young kids. Never could feel secure that she wasn't going to go back to the children's father. No matter what, i wouldn't deal with any baby mama drama. Thanks! The place need a new look for the spring.

ieisha - In your brief dating experience, how do you handle it when you want to get physical with your man? Does it always have to be at his house? No hanging out at your place?

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

first off..loving the layout KRUSH!! gotta love a gemini..always changing..can't keep up with you!
I've always had a rule of never dating men with kids..because I just knew it would be some baby momma drama that I didn't want to deal with..as I matured {ahem} I still have this rule !! HAHA!
I'm selfish I know and double standard but hey..its that TRUF!!!
I do respect a man tho that will not let the fact that a woman has kids stand in the way of TRUE LOVE...a ready made family is a good thing..more love to give and receive.
so continue to be optimistic KRUSH cause it can/will work out for you. I just know it!

Eb the Celeb said...

I usually dont date guys with kids... I have had an experience in the past that was hell right after I graduated from high school and it scarred me for life. But as you know I have been trying to be less picky lately and Semipro has a daughter so I am giving it a chance.

I dont have kids but I have a lot of questions about the guy I am talking to now but dont want to meddle. I know him and her have a good relationship... but their daughter is only 4 years old... so everything is still fresh. I also know that she is the only girl he ever loved. So I wonder why they broke up, when's the last time they had sex, if she still wants to be with him... questions like that to get my mind at ease about the situation but dont know how to bring it up or even know if I we are even deep enough for me to have the right to ask. Complication situation that I may need your advice on offline.

Skoolboi Krush said...

GG - Thank you. It takes a Gemini to know one, huh? Double standards and all. I'll continue to be optimistic.

Eb - All of your questions are reasonable ones to ask if you want to get serious with Semipro. I would be more concerned if he wasn't forthright with answers.

clnmike said...

I try to avoid it but meeting women my age in Atlanta with no kids is like trying to find a Unicorn.

I avoid women who try to introduce me to their kids right off the bat, thats a bad sign, you dont know me and I dont know you lets not involve the kids yet.

When you break up what about the kid? I was in a three years relationship with a lady with a at the time a 6 yr old girl when we broke up it was hard for me not seeing the kid around any more.

THE PRINCESS "C" said...

Great Post

I had just graduated from college when I found out I was expecting my son, I had him at 23 and I found was that men thought of me as more of a "catch" than before, because they assumed I was responsible, since I was able to handle my business and have a young child, it's hard because when I meet men they think I am looking for a "father" for him, he already has two, Our Father in heaven and his father who loves him dearly.

Before I had kids, I WOULDN'T DATE a man with children YES, I was so ignorant, it was too much of a headache but I am thankful that men have been open to date me with a small child, but only a couple have actually meet him, I have to be in a serious relationship to have anyone around my son, unless we are JUST friends.

Skoolboi Krush said...

clnmike - Lately, I'm thinking that I would rather her introduce the kids off top. Like she is saying, "This is me. Can you deal with it?" I can respect how you feel though.

C - Do you think it is easier or more difficult to date a guy when your son's father is actively involved? Like you said, some dudes will automatically assume that you are looking for someone to be a father to your child. Are guys always suspicious of that relationship?

clnmike said...

'This is me. Can you deal with it?"

I understand that, but to me a woman who brings a man around her kids to early is showing very poor judgement. There is the safty issue, such as a lot of pedophiles target single mothers, or if this is an abusive indvidual. He should know of the kids even see what they look like but as far as being around them during the feeling out process thats should be a no no.

Blah Blah Blah said...

I am with your friend...
Only date men with kids...preferably above 10 yrs old.

Men are turned off by the fact that my two teenage boys live with thier father...which I don't understand...I can't teach a man to be a man...only a man can do that...thier father.

A man that doesn't except the package (whether in home or not)...has no future with me.

SimplyComplex said...

A few friends of mine are adament that they would never date a man with kids. Me? I don't mind. As long as he is being a good father to them...that's kinda sexy

Skoolboi Krush said...

clnmike - How long should the feeling out process take? And shouldn't getting the complete package during that time be a part of your decision?

blah3 - I'm not sure why they can't deal with that either. Sounds like a reasonable situation to me.

simplycomplex - Glad to see that you are open-minded about it.