Passing Notes

What’s up y’all!

At the beginning of this year, I declared that this year was going to be all about personal growth for me. Well, as of this moment it has been a colossal fail. I am still dealing with the same issues from 2008, 2005, and hell 2003. Remember that long lists of things that should not have made it into 2009? Some of that shit has crept in the back door.

They say of the first step towards solving your problems is acknowledging that you have one. In that spirit, I want to publicly say that I love being in a relationship and I can be good at starting new ones but I am horrible when it comes to maintaining a good healthy relationship. The first reason is that I am the quintessential Gemini. I can be in my own world and space and not give enough energy or time to the relationship. I can be moody and not easy to get along with. I can be selfish and all about me. You are probably saying that is true for most of us. Yes, but for me that can all happen in one day. Hell, I’ve never claimed to be a day at the beach. Lately, my issues have seemingly multiplied in intensity. Work-related stress and beating myself up over things that aren’t going right have put me in a state of depression. That’s one reason why I haven’t posted anything worthwhile in such a long time. Nobody wants to hear a grown man whine about anything so I’ve been dealing with things on my own. Let’s just say that hasn’t been working out like I had hoped.

So that brings me back here to the blogisphere to air my dirty laundry and try to find resolution. I will be using this space to vent on some of my more personal issues that I would never have put out there in the past. I’m sure it will cost me some of the five or six readers that I currently have but I feel like this is a serious crossroads for me.



CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Wow, Krush, do you know how huge it is to acknowledge our personal shortcomings? To me, it's a big step that deserves credit, some people go through their lives wondering why they get what they get...because they've remained in a little world called denial. To me, you can't improve without addressing the core issue.

This is YOUR place to get your thoughts and emotions out, whether good, bad or indifferent. Never apologize for being real. I've lived through serious periods of depression so I can definitely relate. One thing I've started embracing when faced with personal challenges is asking myself some basic questions...Is this fixable? If so, how and is it worth the time? I've eliminated a lot of ish this way.

We want to see you happy and progressing the way you desire, I will be checking on ya, bro :-).

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I don't know if my zodiac sign has anything to do with my issues, but I got other things that tend to hinder me . . .relationship wise.

I think that writing about what is going on in your mind can help you clear out a lot of the negative thoughts that are hindering you in other areas of your life.

Writing is therapy.

I doubt you will lose readers.

Solomon said...

I agree with Sharon, writing is therapy. Keep up the writing, whether it's about the good, the bad, or the ugly.... All that really matters is if we all get through another day and remain positive, or at least more positive than the day before.

Just tell it like it is, we won't abandon you bro!

Torrance Stephens - All-Mi-T said...

man do u, take your time, good suggestions

Opinionated Diva said...

Vent away...I'm here reading eventhough I don't always comment.

Chin up...big hugs!


I found that blogging has helped me so much. Once you write it, and can re-read it, and take a step back, it becomes a little bit clearer.

And the different pov's & comments help too!

Skoolboi Krush said...

I want to thank everybody for their concern. I really appreciate that.

Curvy - I really like your questions. Especially, is this fixable? I tend to beat myself up instead of finding a good solution to my problems.

Sharon - Writing is therapy, huh? I will have to try it. First, I have to be willing to but the raw truth down and not write what an edited version of what is going on. In the past, that has been my struggle. I can be extremely private.

Solomon - Welcome to The Playground and thanks for the words of encouragement.

T - Appreciate that folk

ODiva - Its nice to see you up in the comments.

DC Diva - Yes, you are right about taking a step back and looking at what you've written. It helps to see where my mind was and where I would like it to be.

Vivrant Thang said...

First have to say I'm glad to see you back writing. You were missed. Now maybe I'll add ya back into my feeds! LOL!

I alluded to this on Twitter but I am in a somewhat similar place - or I should say a crossroads of sorts- but just haven't had the guts to write this kind of post yet. I applaud you for it.

I won't even pretend to try to give you "advice" but I will say that if you have somebody there to lean on, do it. Don't fuck that up.

What Janet say in that masterpiece of black theatre Poetic Justice, "Nobody but nobody can make it out here alone."

Kay C, The Quiet Storm said...

I have to commend you for trying to work on yourself. The hardest thing to do is to be honest with yourself about yourself.

Knowing your shortcomings is the first step in trying to overcome them. If you know you do certain things than you can be aware of them before you do them the next time.

I agree - writing is therapy but it is cheaper.

msladydeborah said...

Being the mother of two male Geminis and the grandmother of two female Geminis, I do understand what you meant in your remarks.:-)

A mental purge does a body good. It helps remove the debris and clutter that we often collect while living a life up under the sun.

I'll be back through to check on how you are progressing. I'll also keep you in my prayers and positive thoughts. You can do this.

....: blue :.... said...

Good for you. We all have our struggles, and many times they are the same as everyone else. My two cents is let your writing be your outlet, even if you don't post it. Sometimes it is too private to post, but if you can at least write it out then it's out of your system.
Also, be patient and gentle with yourself while you are making these changes. I find that when I am in that mode, I get impatient and want the changes to happen immediately. Just remember how long it took to create those habits, and while the time it takes to reverse/undo/change them is shorter than that, it still takes some time. It's okay to struggle with it at first. Just try to be aware of how you react and to what. That will help you find the source.
I wish you the best in your journey. I'll be rooting for you!