I think it was guilt that made me do it. I mean it was a forgivable mistake but I still didn’t want her walking around thinking that I was the type of guy to leave a woman waiting at a bar alone. Whatever it was, I agreed to meet her for dinner on Saturday at one of my favorite spots in the city. Something about her behavior the night before and the odd text message was trying to tell me that I should just walk away from this chick but did I listen. Hell no! You see, I’ve always been a magnet for women who are a few fries short of a happy meal. I’ve had a fatal attraction chick who tried to stab me in the park and another sister who claimed that she could levitate on demand. So the little display of psycho behavior from this woman wasn’t a real deterrent for me.
My usual rule about first dates is to make it happen during the day if possible. One reason is that I’d be mad as hell if my entire evening was ruined by a horrible date. The other reason is that I want to get a good look at the person. In keeping with that theme, we were supposed to meet for dinner at 5:00 PM. I’ve checked my breath, smoothed down my bushy eyebrows and am getting ready to exit my truck at 4:55 PM when my cell phone rings. It’s her telling me that she is lost but thinks she will be there in about ten minutes. If you are lost, how can you estimate a time of arrival? At this point, I’m starting to think that maybe she is getting me back and really doesn’t have any plans of showing up for the date. If that is the case, I figure that I can at least go inside and get a drink from the bar. Thirty minutes and two Crown and cokes later, I get another call saying that she is parking and will be inside shortly.
I think of myself as an open-minded person who can appreciate people of all shapes and sizes for their own beauty. However, people who really know me would tell you that I can be extremely judgmental and quick to cut somebody off. That is probably why I knew this date was going to be a dud when I saw her walk around the corner wearing one of Beverly Johnson’s best wigs. Now ladies, I’m not against a woman wearing a wig every now and then. Hell, it can be a nice prop in the bedroom. It’s like having sex with different women without cheating. The problem with this wig was that it was just a little bit crooked. During the entire dinner, I wanted to lean across the table and pull it down on the left side. What is the proper etiquette for something like that? I couldn’t concentrate on anything she was saying because of this distraction. Ladies, what should I have done?
The one personality type that I just can’t stand is a complainer. You know the type who is always finding fault with something. This chick here was one of the worst complainers that I have ever had the misfortune of being around. The place that we were having dinner was one the most popular spots in Atlanta so on a Saturday evening it was crowded. Having lived here for several years that is something that you learn to deal with and accept. She complained about the length of our wait for seating, which table we were seated, the strength of her Tequila Sunrise, the amount of time we had to wait for our food, the level of noise in the restaurant, the line in the women’s restroom, the amount of the tip I left, and how long it took the valet to bring her car. Then had the nerve to ask me what I was doing for the rest of the evening as if she wanted to hang out some more.
YOU ARE OUT!!!