This weekend I read a book about a man who after going through a traumatic experience decides that he is going to pursue the one woman that he truly loves. He allowed this particular woman to escape his life during the player days of his youth. So after having the life-altering episode, he quits his successful job and moves to the city where this woman lives with her husband and two kids. He then attempts to win the affections of the woman who he sees as his one true love. Chasing down married women is on the extreme side for me but I can relate to his desire to reconnect with the person who represents the potential for great love, something to give him purpose. I think we all have at least one person in our past that could have our hearts if you could get a second chance under different circumstances. Somebody that you just can’t get out of your system even after you’ve had your chance and it didn’t work. Deep down, you still think it is meant to be. How do you know when it’s time to turn the page? If you don’t let them go will you ever be truly happy and find real love again?
I hear women say that guys seem to move on to the next woman (or women) like he wasn’t even bothered with the breakup. Y’all just aren’t paying attention. It takes a great deal for a brother to deal with that type of thing. The easiest way to deal is to just move on to the next chick and let her love heal your wounds but the truth is if you aren’t really going to let her in, the wounds will remain. Unfortunately, most of us aren’t equipped to talk about our emotions so we numb the pain with sex, alcohol, work or anything else that will get our minds off the way we feel. In the relationships following my divorce, I was prone to compare women to my ex. She doesn’t make me laugh like J; her kisses aren’t as sweet as J’s or her hugs don’t comfort me as much as J’s did. Obviously, I wasn’t giving these women a fair chance nor was I really allowing for the possibility of making a real connection. What I was doing was numbing the pain I felt from being a failure. Failure is a harsh word but it is how a guy feels when he goes from being the man of her dreams to that motherfucker who ain’t shit.
Someone once said that you can’t receive new blessings if you are holding on to your old baggage. That means the first step is letting go. Easier said than done, right? Everybody I know is walking around with some residue from previous relationships. I know that I have a combination of anger, embarrassment, disappointment, and resentment that contributes to my status as a single man. I’m not as bad as I was when the pain was fresh but I wouldn’t say I was completely healed yet either. Time doesn’t heal all wounds. So clearly I am not and expert on the subject of moving on. Despite that, my ear is often bent by my friends and co-workers regarding their relationship issues. I actually think that I give good advice. It’s easier to recognize a pattern in someone else’s behavior than your own.