If you've been reading this blog for any time, you already know that I have notoriously bad luck with women. The ones I like don't like me and I seemed to always attract the wrong woman. I was hoping that 2008 would begin a new chapter in my social life that could possibly lead to me finding the love of my life (Nia Long are you reading this?). Almost a month and half into the year, I beginning to get skeptical about the possibility of anything good happening. My latest misadventure revolves around a female friend whom I've known for several years. Matter of fact, we used to work together which is one of the many reasons why I have never pursued a romantic relationship. However, we have spent plenty of time outside of work talking about each others dating lives and our frustrations with trying to find a suitable mate. Physically, she isn't what I would gravitate towards but she is far from unattractive. She gets a little carried away with the weaves for my taste but I am sure that works for some brothers. From the stories, she tells me, it’s not problem for her to get next to a brother if she is interested. Unfortunately, in the last several weeks it has become clear that she has set her sights on me. You may be asking why that is a problem, Krush. It's a problem because she is hoe!
Hold up! I know that sounds rough. I’m not in the habit of calling a woman a garden tool but that is how she described herself. She is a self-proclaimed hoe. No, she didn't use it as a term of endearment like some sisters do. She used it to describe her predilection for random dick. In our many conversations, she given me some exquisite detail about her exploits on the hoe trail. Talked about dating married men and guys that she knew had girlfriends. To her I was like a confessional priest. Telling me about her actions and how it made her feel was like cleansing her of all her quilt. I was never judgmental about her deeds just a good listener. Maybe that explains her sudden desire to make our platonic friendship into something more, a clear violation of the Making a Hoe into a Housewife Rule.
Lately, she has been calling and texting me on a daily basis. Trying to come by my spot late nights and asking me to escort her to various functions. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem either but this is the type who doesn’t know how to be close to a man without getting physical. I made the mistake of having her over a couple Saturdays back. We were just going to watch some television and chill. This is what we did! When it was getting late and time for everybody to find their way to their own bed, she assumed that she was going to spend the night. Being friends, I didn’t really have a problem with that but where was she going to sleep. I have a rule about folks sleeping on my couch. Nothing worse than having company sit down and start sniffing trying to figure out where that Fritos smell is coming from. That means that she would have to come to bed with me. Let’s just say that I woke up on Sunday morning with this chick wrapped around me like a boa constrictor. From that point on, I’ve been giving her the Heisman. To her credit, she has tried to change her life in the last few months and become a respectable young lady. She says that she wants to get married and be a wife. Even though I’ll miss the stories of debauchery, I am happy that she is changing her ways.