2.11.2008

Loving Jezebel

If you've been reading this blog for any time, you already know that I have notoriously bad luck with women. The ones I like don't like me and I seemed to always attract the wrong woman. I was hoping that 2008 would begin a new chapter in my social life that could possibly lead to me finding the love of my life (Nia Long are you reading this?). Almost a month and half into the year, I beginning to get skeptical about the possibility of anything good happening. My latest misadventure revolves around a female friend whom I've known for several years. Matter of fact, we used to work together which is one of the many reasons why I have never pursued a romantic relationship. However, we have spent plenty of time outside of work talking about each others dating lives and our frustrations with trying to find a suitable mate. Physically, she isn't what I would gravitate towards but she is far from unattractive. She gets a little carried away with the weaves for my taste but I am sure that works for some brothers. From the stories, she tells me, it’s not problem for her to get next to a brother if she is interested. Unfortunately, in the last several weeks it has become clear that she has set her sights on me. You may be asking why that is a problem, Krush. It's a problem because she is hoe!

Hold up! I know that sounds rough. I’m not in the habit of calling a woman a garden tool but that is how she described herself. She is a self-proclaimed hoe. No, she didn't use it as a term of endearment like some sisters do. She used it to describe her predilection for random dick. In our many conversations, she given me some exquisite detail about her exploits on the hoe trail. Talked about dating married men and guys that she knew had girlfriends. To her I was like a confessional priest. Telling me about her actions and how it made her feel was like cleansing her of all her quilt. I was never judgmental about her deeds just a good listener. Maybe that explains her sudden desire to make our platonic friendship into something more, a clear violation of the Making a Hoe into a Housewife Rule.

Lately, she has been calling and texting me on a daily basis. Trying to come by my spot late nights and asking me to escort her to various functions. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem either but this is the type who doesn’t know how to be close to a man without getting physical. I made the mistake of having her over a couple Saturdays back. We were just going to watch some television and chill. This is what we did! When it was getting late and time for everybody to find their way to their own bed, she assumed that she was going to spend the night. Being friends, I didn’t really have a problem with that but where was she going to sleep. I have a rule about folks sleeping on my couch. Nothing worse than having company sit down and start sniffing trying to figure out where that Fritos smell is coming from. That means that she would have to come to bed with me. Let’s just say that I woke up on Sunday morning with this chick wrapped around me like a boa constrictor. From that point on, I’ve been giving her the Heisman. To her credit, she has tried to change her life in the last few months and become a respectable young lady. She says that she wants to get married and be a wife. Even though I’ll miss the stories of debauchery, I am happy that she is changing her ways.

15 comments:

Vivrant Thang said...

LMAO @ the title! How about I have this movie DVR'd waiting to be watched right now?

Now, now. The year is young. Believe your luck will change. It's about the mindset.

Anywho, lawdhamercy. Yea, continue to keep your distance from this one. Now I have absolutely nothing against a woman being sexually free. However, when a woman has made a career out of purposefully going after other women's men...I vote HELL NAW! Let her change all she likes...with somebody else.

I do have to say if you really don't want her, you should have told her to carry her azz home. Unless ya'll go back like babies and pacifiers, there was no reason to sleep in the same bed. Since you know she wants you to slip her the magic stick, you are sending her mixed signals. You should have taken the couch and given her the bed if she just had to stay. You get the serious side eye for that one. You're among friends. Admit it. You really do want to hit that...if only out of curiosity about her skills since her resume is so "impressive." Trust me, I understand this kind of thinking.

You bring up an interesting issue that I've been battling with. I have a male friend that I could potentially end up with somewhere way way way down the line. I worry I tell him too much. This may confirm that I do!

dejanae said...

It's a problem because she is hoe!
lmaooooooooo
im dyin ova here
i'm with vivrant
why yall had to sleep in the same bed?
hey
atleast you know her dirt beforehand
and im kinda mad at the weave comment.lol

Opinionated Diva said...

I've yet to meet a Gemini who was not a great listener. Oh and thnx for the voice mail. Your voice definitely threw me off...I was expecting some kind of Atl southern twang, but then I remembered seeing something about Seattle!

Anywho...I think it's honorable that she wants to change her life, but let her try doing that with someone else who doesn't know what a tramp she really is. I think because you know, it's going to be really hard for you to look past all that you know.

Unless you two have serious chemistry...DON'T DO IT! LOL!

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

see thats the prob with spilling your guts {and exploits} to your guy friends because they will use it against you if ever YEARS LATER you guys may wanna hook up..you already now too much of her dirt so you'd never be able to trust her so you have to keep your distance...she seems MAD clingy...
has she asked to come back over??

eclectik said...

Wait ONE second...I didnt know "Women I like dont like me-ville" had a population of 2!

That's MY thing!

LOL

Great post

e.

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

dont feel bad folk, women hate me too, they say im too smart, my dick too big, i spend to much time with m kids, and when i feed them when i cook, they say im trying t get them fat..go figure, and we still on, i just had to deal with a death in the fam. let me know what u think bout this folk. The father of Jim Crow

Skoolboi Krush said...

Vivrant - Why are you always telling me to stay away from some woman? LOL Yeah, I could have asked her to leave but it was late and we had been enjoying some libations that night. There is always a bit of curiosity with male/female friendships. Knowing her dirt makes her untouchable for me but I got to believe that she has some serious skills.

Dejanae - Don't be mad. I'm just not down with the extra heavy weave thing. Especially, if you had a short bob the day before.

Diva - You are welcome. Very cool idea. Don't be surprised if you see it here soon. I've been told that I talk like a white man. Not sure what that means.

GG - She was trying to come over on Saturday so I told her I was going out. She said, "Call me when you come home. I might still come through." You have to be careful who you tell your business to but if a brother sees that you are changing then he can respect that.

E - I keep trying to tell you that your blogs about women sound just like my life.

All-mi-t - You scaring them off with the big dick, huh? LOL We all have a cross to bear. Anyway, just let me know when you want to hook up. Like Vivrant said, I need to get out and see who is out there.

MsPuddin said...

Hahahalmao!! Not at you, just at the situation.

I’ve made the mistake of telling guy friends my sexual endeavors and then later catching feelings for them, but f*cked myself (not literally), because now they know my business.

Not calling myself a ho, just if you want any future with a guy, its best to leave past experiences mute…Nevermind, enough about me.

Damn, don’t give up all hope, I’m sure you will soon find the right woman wrapped around you like a boa constrictor…have you tried eharmony???

Opinionated Diva said...

I get the you-sound-like-a-white-girl comment a lot. Personally, I find it offensive for someone to say you sound "White" because you speak like you have an education. That's just ignorant.

For the record, you have a nice voice and I didn't find it to be "vanilla" at all, but next time throw in a "Yo son!" Nahmean? LOL

Eb the Celeb said...

Krush - You aint tap that... you know your type... and maybe initially she's not it... but everyone deserves a second chance to start over... at least all her skeletons are out of the closet... if you are interested... which is seems that you are since you are putting yourself in this situation... just trying to make excuses (the weave, her promiscuity, being a co-worker) for not giving her a chance. But I think you like her... or can imagine the possibility. Just have her go to a clinic so you can make sure everything is A-OK and then give it a go...

Skoolboi Krush said...

Puddin' - Eharmony? You got jokes! They don't take black folks anyway...do they? LOL

Diva - Yeah, I guess I will switch it up in the future. Break out my ebonics dictionary.

Eb - We've talked and you know the deal. It's best that I keep chick in the friend zone.

soumynona said...

Skool! I am in between laughing my ass off @ "predilection for random dick" bc I know a few women like that....hmmmm yeah...I know why you had to say the Nay No! But I was thinking, I have a friend whom I confide all of my crazy little exploits and if the situation was flipped, I would end up calling myself a hoe - but I would still give me another chance...I'm guilty of it too but there is such a double standard.
LMAO @ boa constrictor

Vivrant Thang said...

LOL! Haven't I been right though?! They've all been a bunch of loonies! Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to meet the woman that I'm telling you that you BETTER get your ack right on with. Get on it!

Televisiontraci said...

You never mentioned how you felt about her. I mean you described her but I mean emotions. Do you like her? Are you attracted to her. Would you be sad if you had to go a long period of time without seeing her?

Skoolboi Krush said...

traci - I think she is a cool chick to hang with and have some laughs but I have no desire to get with her.