10.27.2008

Love or Lust

CL and I have been together for damn near eight months. Wow! Time flies when you are having fun. Sometimes it feels as if we’ve been together for years. I mean that in a good way. On our good days, we have such a great chemistry and comfort level that everything we do seems so natural. Other days, we feel like strangers who are just going through the motions. In the end, that’s my best friend though. She’s got my back and I’ve got hers.

My mom is always talking about how quickly I fall in love. Every since I was in high school, I have always been a relationship type of guy. I never really enjoyed being single and trying to meet women. The whole dating thing grows old on me real fast. Some might even describe me as a Sucker for Love. Mr. Sensitive. One of my former co-workers would say I had a bad case of the Ralph Tresvants. Either way, I’m just being me. Can’t really help it.

Does love have a time frame? How do you tell the difference between love and lust?

It’s real easy to get caught up in the beginning stages of your relationship and think that you are in love. Anybody who has ever been in that situation where you are getting some good love on the regular, sharing new experiences, and someone is really feeling your story, can testify that at some point you have to take a step back and evaluate. Am I really in love or is it just the new booty? Are we compatible or am I overlooking something?

In my last relationship, the paint didn’t start to chip until we reached the seven month mark. That’s when my belief that we would one day get married and grow old together hit a serious brick wall. I realized that I didn’t even like this woman. I was blinded by the anticipation of the next freaky thing we would do. Didn’t even see it coming. So this time, I swore to myself that I would take my time and go slow. Didn’t happen that way. I was caught up fast just like before.

It feels different this time though. I am communicating more. We talk about our feelings all the time. She knows where I stand and I know how she feels. Even though I lust for her body 24/7, I wouldn’t be satisfied with just that. I want her mind, body, love, faith, and devotion.

What about you?...

Have you ever mistaken lust for love? What happened when you realized your mistake?

How can you tell the difference?

Have you changed your approach to dating because of it?

6 comments:

nikki said...

i have definitely mistaken lust for love before. when i realized my mistake, i didn't do anything for a while. i stayed in the relationship because the sex was too good for me to leave. lol

but eventually it was no longer enough. emotionally i needed something more. for me, the reward of the sex had to be eclipsed by the LACK of emotional reward before i could step away.

how i've changed up my game? the most recent situation is the perfect example...he and i became physically intimate pretty quickly, then i lost my mind for about a week because i expected shit to be amped up straight to exclusive and serious relationship. after about a week though, i realized that wasn't what i really wanted. emotionally i've pulled back and am reassessing it.

we haven't been physically intimate since then and we're actually being methodical about getting to know each other. wierd.

i know i don't love him. i know i lust for him. that works for me at the moment.

The True Urban Queen aka Sharon said...

I think that time will tell if you are meant to be with a person.
HAving been married for years and unhappy most of them, I have decided that I will have to date for a long time before I take that step again.

Now I love being in love. And recently I dated for a year and was hurt by a guy who I swear I love and he is the only one for me. At least that is how it seems.
Which now has me not wanting to get invovled with anyone for a long time.

But, someone told me that I will meet someone again and he will be the one and I will have only thought that the other guy was the one. (If that makes sense)
And someone else told me we can fall in love numerous times in our life and it really is love we have for each one. It is a season/reason thing. (If that makes sense)
And another person told me that it takes longer than a year to know if you love someone.

Go figure. I am confused.

Now, I plan on being cautious when dating (which I have placed on hold) and plan on taking everything slow.

clnmike said...

You know it's lust after you have sex and you dont want to be bothered with her till the next erection.

Skoolboi Krush said...

nikki - how did you explain to him that you wanted to pull back after having sex early on? and if you only lust for him, why not continue with the sex?

sharon - i'd have to agree with person who told you that you can meet and fall in love with numerous people in your lifetime. each one will be perfect for that stage of life. taking it slow is always a good thing.

clnmike - lol! yeah, i agree with that one but i don't think you ever mistake that one for love anyway.

bbgcmac said...

I appreciate this man,

There is something to be said about enjoying the moment and simultaneously anticipating the future. What i come to find man is that love is a decision more than anything else. People have ways that make us adore them for sure. You can't fake chemistry. But to love someone is to know that you are in a constant state of giving, celebration, and sacrifice. It fulfills you and you look forward to showing your mettle during challenging times. Lust I find to me more of a self-fulfilling desire more than anything else. Like 1 Corinth. 14.
And i don't mean to go all biblical on a brother - but love really does not seek its own. I have loved people truly who didn't have my best interest at heart that i had to walk away from - totally without judging. We decide who we love man at the end of the day. Because if you love you love them dirty drawers - you want to help the person get better but you don't want to change them for the sake of your own satisfaction. see what i mean?

And hell yea you can still love that 24/7 booty - and your communication in terms of sharing and honesty just makes it that much more funky - but you will find man that sometimes you may straight love a woman (if you decide to) and at times not like her behind either - or her yours. But when the sh&% hits the fan ya'll are down like 4 flat tires! Never get it twisted!

Thats my take -

Skoolboi Krush said...

bbgcmac - i really appreciate that perspective on the situation. i definitely agree that love is a decision more than just a feeling.