If Your Heart Isn't In It...

I told y'all a while back that for some reason people tend to come to me for relationship advice. I guess they don't hear all my stories about sabotaging perfectly good things or having a knack for saying just the wrong thing at the right time. Last week, one of my new employees came over to my desk to ask me what he should do about a young lady he was "seeing", really that he was fucking. I sat him down and asked him to give me a little background on the situation. “Krush, I just don’t understand why a woman who knows I’m not looking for a relationship would still catch feelings.” I immediately knew he was in trouble but I wanted to hear the entire story laid out before I said anything.

Apparently, he and this young lady had gone to college together and for the past year had been sex partners. That was a red flag for me because in my opinion those types of relationships are temporary by design. After some time, you need to move on because you’ve gotten involved with someone else or god-forbid you want to try to turn it into a real relationship. To further complicate this particular situation, my co-worker had been spending significant boyfriend time with a chick he says he only views as a jump-off. By boyfriend time, I’m talking about going over for home-cooked meals, movie nights, and even hanging with her and her friends. Nothing wrong with any of that but it’s not exactly the ideal thing to do if you don’t want a woman to start feeling you. So as can be expected, the young lady has decided that she wants to take this thing to the next level. You can’t really blame her. However, dude has a full roster of chicks that he isn’t trying to give up. Settling down is the last thing on his mind. Did I mention we are talking about some babies here? Both of them are twenty-four.

The kicker to his sob story was that he had paid homegirl’s electric bill a couple months prior. As soon as he told me that I said, “Hell, if you pay any bill in my house, we go together. I can see why she is expecting this to turn into something.” All he could say to me was, “I have always told her that I didn’t want a relationship.” Shaking my head was the only thing I could do at that point. This was a line that men have uttered over and over again when trying to figure out just what went wrong in their attempts to be a player. I’ve said it a few times myself. I told him about his violations of the rules of a jump-off and he said that he just couldn’t be that cold about it. He needed to spend some time with this woman and admitted that the sex was too good for him to act any differently. My response, “If you don’t have the heart to be a player, get a girlfriend.”

That’s a lesson I learned early. I could never be a player so I don’t even try to live that life. Unfortunately, I’m not good a relationships either. Guess I’ll be a lonely old man. My young co-worker should take this a fork in the road and change his game. By the way, I’m not even going to tell y’all about the chick who acted a fool at his momma’s house the same weekend. However, its spring time and he wasn't trying to hear what I was telling him. We will be back here in a matter of months.


Ieisha said...

You should provide a class and share these tidbits. Some dudes act like as long as they give the verbal "disclaimer", it's all good knowing their actions speak ten times louder than any words.

As I say, actions scream. Words whisper. And Grandma can't hear too well.

You're wiser than you know.

CurvyGurl ♥ said...

Yeah, as Ieisha said, that disclaimer is futile. We hear it but it doesn't always sink in. It's not logical to expect someone not to catch feelings while playing this kinda game.

"If you don’t have the heart to be a player, get a girlfriend.”...classic :-)

My True Essence said...

Hey Krush! Your last statement summed it up in a nutshell. May need to borrow that statement. :)

Skoolboi Krush said...

Ieisha - I would be in the front row of that class taking notes. I'm one of those do as I say not as I do advice givers.

Curvy - Logic, sex and relationships are three things that will never be in the room at the same time. I don't get why its so hard though.

Essence - You can use it just let 'em know where you got it from.

Rich Fitzgerald said...

Man, you dropped serious knowledge on kid with one line

“If you don’t have the heart to be a player, get a girlfriend.”

Enough said.