12.24.2007

Waiting In Vain

Seriously, How long are you supposed to wait for somebody to get their shit together? I mean is there an official working test period like when you start a new job? You and I both know that when you meet someone new, they are seeing other people. Hell, they weren’t just sitting at home waiting for your ass to ring the door bell. Look at it logically, this person is single, attractive, employed, heterosexual and has a great personality. Somebody else is checking for them besides you! Matter of fact, you are casually seeing a couple of people yourself. Hoping that one of them will qualify for pole position. Initially, you think this person will just be someone new to spend to time with and potentially might turn into something more serious. (Hell, I’m too old to just be dating for the fun of it…everybody has to have potential for a serious relationship!) After some great dinners, blockbuster nights, fun nights at the bar, a couple bougie social events, and too many movies to name you realize that she/he might be someone to whom you can give your undivided attention. So when you meet this superstar that makes you want to drop the rest of the players from your roster, how do you decide if it’s the right move?

A friend of mine told me that she has a 90 day rule. At the end of the 90 days, each of them has to make a decision about whether or not to pursue a serious relationship. In that period, she expects the guy to get rid of all the Plan B chicks that he was dealing with in addition to her. It makes sense that in that length of time you should know if you have met someone that is marriage material. Let’s keep it real…you aren’t getting serious without the thought of walking down the aisle at some point. Fellas, I hear you. We don’t think of marriage until she is asking you what flavor you want the groom’s cake to be. Long before that, women have made a decision about if the guy is going to be a good husband, father, provider and lover. So is 90 days sufficient time to make such an important decision? Probably not but life and love is all about taking chances. Like most people, I’ve rushed into relationships only to discover that I never really knew her. Had that moment of realization that the person who is sharing your bed doesn’t have your best interest at heart. Maybe a 90 day probationary period isn’t such a bad idea. When does the clock start anyway? Everybody puts their best foot forward during the initial phases after meeting someone new. I’ve always believed that you need some sort of dramatic experience (need to borrow money, have a pregnancy scare, lose a job, etc.) to really know a person’s true character. If nothing like that happens in the first 90 days, are you still dealing with that person’s representative? I guess that is the risk you take with your heart.

6 comments:

Ebonne said...

First... your never too old to be just dating for the fun of it...lol

but I think every situation is different... I usually know from the first time I meet a person whether I like them or not... or whether they will just be a person whose number I will probably erase from my cell in a couple weeks... I think 3 months though is sufficient enough time if you are actually spending quality time with that person in those 3 months...

Have those in depth conversations while at the bar, or on the way to the movies... The thing that attracts me most is a guy who asks a lot of questions when out on a date... that makes me feel like their really interested. And not the general how many siblings do you have... blah blah... talk... I'm talking about thought provoking questions

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

newbie here...hiya
i think i need a 90 day rule...i'm quick to rush in and then try to back track my way out of a situation...but why waste time in the beginning..I say put it all out there and if they are still around after 90 days then they may have a chance, move em up a slot. lol

Skoolboi Krush said...

Eb - We might have to disagree on whether or not you can be too old to casually date. I guess it depends on what your goals are though. However, I will agree with you about those deep conversations. I try to ask questions that will let her talk about herself. I believe that people will always tell on themselves so just listen.

GG - Welcome aboard! I appreciate you coming right in and participating. I've done that put it all out there approach and it seems to scare people away. You can look at it as weeding out the weak ones though, right? LOL

dejanae said...

90 days is more than enough time to decide if u wanna get serious.
no casual dating 4 u huh?

Skoolboi Krush said...

dejanae - I can hang out with somebody for a minute on a friendship level but if we are going to take it there and be serious. I got to know that it has long-term potential.

Gemini Girl aka GG said...

thanks for the welcome skoolboi!...most men tell me they enjoy the direct approach..I just want to know where its going...thats one thing about me I will never leave you to wonder about my intentions..it shouldn't take 90 days to see where its going..should it??