Top Five Tuesday: Happy Hour

Last week, one of the members of my BBM group suggested getting tattoos after work. It was something that I had been thinking about every since I got my first one a couple of years ago. I was excited about the idea and agreed to meet up with a few folks at the chosen destination. It turned out that the artists at this particular location were booked for the rest of the day. We could have waited around to see if they could fit us in but that idea did not sit well with either of us. Instead, we decided to hit up a nearby spot for happy hour. Upscale spot with a reputation of being a good meet and greet. The reputation was well earned. Sisters had left work, went home, and put on their man catching outfits. Dudes were putting their best mack moves on anybody willing to listen. Drinks were flowing. The DJ was playing a good blend of hip-hop and soul music. I told myself that I need to make it back to this spot for the next happy hour. We sat down and started in on some drinks and tapas that we ordered.
It was only when I got a chance to sit down and people watch did I observe all of the violations of happy hour conduct that were taking place.

1. Stop passing out business cards if you only want the booty. Just put her number in your phone so you can send that late night text.

2. Engage people in conversation. If you are standing or sitting all alone and not talking to the people around you, you look crazy.

3. If it is not casual Friday, why are you at happy hour in shorts, flip-flops, and a white tee? Ever heard the saying, Clothes make the man? That might not be true but the concept of happy hour is that working professionals are meeting up after work. You just finished playing a serious game of Madden on Xbox.

4. You have to drive home so why are you so drunk that you can barely stand up. There is nothing more unattractive to me than a woman who cannot control her liquor. Do not be sloppy.

5. The one disturbing trend that I noticed more than anything else was dudes walking through the spot and staring at all the women. Not speaking but just walking through as if they were on patrol. What type of game is that? I guess the women were supposed to see these irresistible dudes and speak first. Must work somewhere but it did not work that night.


If Your Heart Isn't In It...

I told y'all a while back that for some reason people tend to come to me for relationship advice. I guess they don't hear all my stories about sabotaging perfectly good things or having a knack for saying just the wrong thing at the right time. Last week, one of my new employees came over to my desk to ask me what he should do about a young lady he was "seeing", really that he was fucking. I sat him down and asked him to give me a little background on the situation. “Krush, I just don’t understand why a woman who knows I’m not looking for a relationship would still catch feelings.” I immediately knew he was in trouble but I wanted to hear the entire story laid out before I said anything.

Apparently, he and this young lady had gone to college together and for the past year had been sex partners. That was a red flag for me because in my opinion those types of relationships are temporary by design. After some time, you need to move on because you’ve gotten involved with someone else or god-forbid you want to try to turn it into a real relationship. To further complicate this particular situation, my co-worker had been spending significant boyfriend time with a chick he says he only views as a jump-off. By boyfriend time, I’m talking about going over for home-cooked meals, movie nights, and even hanging with her and her friends. Nothing wrong with any of that but it’s not exactly the ideal thing to do if you don’t want a woman to start feeling you. So as can be expected, the young lady has decided that she wants to take this thing to the next level. You can’t really blame her. However, dude has a full roster of chicks that he isn’t trying to give up. Settling down is the last thing on his mind. Did I mention we are talking about some babies here? Both of them are twenty-four.

The kicker to his sob story was that he had paid homegirl’s electric bill a couple months prior. As soon as he told me that I said, “Hell, if you pay any bill in my house, we go together. I can see why she is expecting this to turn into something.” All he could say to me was, “I have always told her that I didn’t want a relationship.” Shaking my head was the only thing I could do at that point. This was a line that men have uttered over and over again when trying to figure out just what went wrong in their attempts to be a player. I’ve said it a few times myself. I told him about his violations of the rules of a jump-off and he said that he just couldn’t be that cold about it. He needed to spend some time with this woman and admitted that the sex was too good for him to act any differently. My response, “If you don’t have the heart to be a player, get a girlfriend.”

That’s a lesson I learned early. I could never be a player so I don’t even try to live that life. Unfortunately, I’m not good a relationships either. Guess I’ll be a lonely old man. My young co-worker should take this a fork in the road and change his game. By the way, I’m not even going to tell y’all about the chick who acted a fool at his momma’s house the same weekend. However, its spring time and he wasn't trying to hear what I was telling him. We will be back here in a matter of months.


Passing Notes: Fall Back Spring Ahead

Unexpected Advice
I was on the phone the other night with the person I like to call my bestest. She has been a good friend to me since my Morehouse days. She's they type of friend that girlfriends and wives never like. She hangs with the fellas; is very loyal; and is protective when it comes to me. The type of friend you would want with you if a fight broke out. We hadn't talked in several months but that wasn't unusual at this point in our lives. The conversation that night eventual went to my current single status and what went wrong in my relationship.

"Krush, sometimes you have to fall back for things to work out."

I understood what she meant because I had thought the same thing.  Hearing her confirmation of it, only strengthened my resolve. Pushing back from a situation can give you the clarity necessary to make a proper decision about how to move forward.  It is wild how hearing something so simple from an unexpected source can make so much more sense than the thoughts that are rambling through your own mind.
I made a promise to myself that I was going to take this summer to enjoy myself and refocusing myself on the things I want to achieve.  So if I told you in the past that I was coming through to visit, this will be the year.  Don’t be surprised when you look up and see me in your favorite spot. 
NBA Playoffs
As I write this the Celtics are putting a hurting on the Magic in the Eastern Conference Finals.  I actually like Boston but I can’t cheer for them in this series because I know they would dominate the Lakers if they met in the Finals.  Yep, I’m going for the Lakers to win it all again.  I just want Kobe to have more rings than Shaq.  Celtics are a problem though.  Between Rondo, KG, Pierce, Jesus and Roscoe, they got too much heart for the Magic. Dwight Howard is getting exposed for being one dimensional and not strong enough mentally to win the whole thing.  Speaking of the mentally weak, Lebron choked once again.  I was cheering against the Cavs all season so I’m good without the Lebron-Kobe matchup everybody else has been looking forward to this year.  The only disappointing thing was that Antoine Jamison was exposed as not being the player we all thought he was. I really thought he was going to make a big difference in the playoffs. 
As far as my Hawks go, they imploded just like they did last season.  I wanted to get rid of the coach two years ago but management decided to keep him after the team stretched the Celtics to seven games in the first round.  He had taken this team as far as he could.  They need an experienced coach to push them over the top.  The way things went down this post season, I don’t expect this team to make the playoffs next season.  New coach, new players, and little expectations.  Looks like I’m back to waiting on the lottery.


Krush Redux

"I believe that one defines oneself by reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself. To cut yourself out of stone." - Henry Rollins


Passing Notes

As I told you before, I joined the gym to get my mind and body focused on self-improvement. It seems like everybody but me at the gym is already in great condition. I guess the rest of us fat people exercise (or not) at home to avoid the embarrassment. Maybe I should start of gym for people who are at least 40 lbs over their ideal weight.

With college basketball finishing off with a great tournament and the NBA playoffs here at the end of the week, this is a basketball junkie’s favorite time of the year.

Caught about ten minutes of Basketball Wives, What Chilli Wants and Brandy & Ray J combined last night. Is this what we have come to? A bunch of groupie chicks who never were or will be anyone’s wife, a woman who is so convinced that Mr. Perfect is out there that she will overlook any guy with real potential for her, and two spoiled brats who without their mother’s foot up their behinds would have not done anything.

Current music in rotation: Fabolous – There Is No Competition 2, Erykah Badu – Return of the Ankh, Sade – Soldier of Love, and DJ Quik – Live at the House of Blues.

I’m going real hard on this get in shape program. Saturday morning I went to a new gym, X3 Sports, over in the Inman Park area. These folks go real hard and that is what I need to prevent me from slacking off. I did a cross-training program called Fast Track that is pretty much one of those cardio boot camps. That shit kicked my ass. The next morning I woke up feeling the effects all over my body. On a mission though so I plan on hitting the gym at least three days per week. Encourage your boy!


You Win One You Lose One

If finding me means losing you is it really worth it?

Along this journey called life I have found that one of the most difficult things for me to do is to find the balance of my growth and our growth. Sometimes these two things are going in opposite directions. In any relationship, it’s important that each person is a separate entity equipped with their own goals, accomplishments, friends, and private time. Blinding all of that together in a way that leaves both people “happy” can be damn near impossible. This I know first hand. I’m going through a breakup now. BTW, does anybody know why only the bad breakups end cut and dry and the good relationships seem to linger on forever?

My girlfriend broke up with me because she thought that I could grow more on my own instead in a relationship with her. I agreed. We both had gotten tired of bumping our heads on the same wall. However, that doesn’t make it hurt any less.

So here I am trying to grow as an individual while failing as a boyfriend. Again.

The first thing I did was find something to take up all of my free time. I joined a gym near my job so that I can get a good workout instead of coming home to watch television every night. I started reading my bible on a daily basis to work on my spiritual health. Lastly, I have spent more time with friends that I neglected while in a relationship. People are telling me that I’m looking better, happier, and god-willing smaller. All of that is well and good but on the inside I feel empty.

I know it takes time to get over things but who is going to make me laugh, kiss me slow or hold my hand in public in the meantime?