Showing posts with label Black Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Black Love. Show all posts
7.13.2009
1.28.2009
Yes, No or Maybe!
In the 5Th grade, the note I passed to Rebekkah Taylor was intercepted because nosey-ass LaShonda McIntyre wanted to know what it said. Yeah, that’s right. I’m naming names! If the term was around back then, she would be what now known as a hater. This was the moment I feared, the main reason that I had been walking around with this note in my Trapper Keeper for the past two days. The worst thing a boy at McGlone Elementary could do was make a fool of himself in homeroom. Before lunch, the word would have spread throughout the school and either your reputation would be ruined or made. I had seen it happen on more than one occasion. A note is intercepted, the information is spread throughout the school and by lunchtime, there is a whole bunch of pointing and laughing. Especially if was what in my note was seen by the eyes of LaShonda. Never did like that girl.
My note was for Kim Pearson, a very precious ten year-old with high-top jellies, glasses and bangs. I wanted to know if she would be my girl. It had become obvious to me that Kim was feeling me every since Mrs. Henderson placed us in the same math group a couple of weeks prior. A few times, I caught her smiling at me from across the lunch room and she even punched me in the shoulder when I cracked a joke on her fake members only jacket. I was using the preferred method of the time, three boxes; one for yes, one for no, and one for maybe. I never really liked that maybe box. It left too much room for later embarrassment. The type of embarrassment that was awaiting me after my note fell into the hands of the demon seed.
Once she got her hands on my letter, she felt like it was her duty to share it with all of her girlfriends with whom she shared a table at lunch. I could see them pointing and giggling in the direction of my table in the lunchroom. Already a shy guy, this type of attention was the worst thing that could have happened to me. Soon, everybody was teasing me about my like for Kim. There was little doubt that word had even gotten back to her about my crush.
So I was expecting the worst when she approached me the next morning a couple of minutes before the first bell rung. I was standing in line outside the door of my homeroom class with my boys, Shane, Anthony, and Terry. I didn’t see her coming but Anthony tapped me and said, “Krush, check it out!” When I turned in that direction and saw the girl of my dreams coming toward me, I was tempted to run. I didn’t know if she was going to punch me in the face or, even worse, laugh in my face for thinking that she would feel the same way about me. She didn’t do either. She said, “Hey Krush!” and passed me her own note. I waited until I got to my desk to open it. The embarrassment from the day before was enough for one week. She had recreated my original note and checked the maybe box. At least she didn’t say no.
It seems as if most of today’s relationships are in that maybe box. I guess a little embarrassment is not anything compared to a broken heart. Somewhere along the line, putting a title on what you and your “friend” are doing is too much for some. I am not talking about two people who are in the early stages and still feeling each other out. I am talking about those people who are fully into the “relationship” and have developed serious feelings for one another. It is not just the guys who are feeling this way but it seems like a growing number of women that I meet are reluctant to make it “official” with their boo. Do not misunderstand what I am talking about, these folks are still doing all of the things that you do when you are in a relationship. They just aren’t calling it that. Most of the people that I have talked to that refuse to label their relationships will privately admit that they are madly in love. However, some of them will not even verbally admit that to their significant other. Somebody please explain this to me.
I guess there is some mysterious change in the relationship once you start calling it a relationship. It is similar to when you go from shacking up to being husband and wife. Although, I never really understood that one either.
Are you reluctant to put a title on your relationships? Why?
What changes in the relationship once it becomes official?
My note was for Kim Pearson, a very precious ten year-old with high-top jellies, glasses and bangs. I wanted to know if she would be my girl. It had become obvious to me that Kim was feeling me every since Mrs. Henderson placed us in the same math group a couple of weeks prior. A few times, I caught her smiling at me from across the lunch room and she even punched me in the shoulder when I cracked a joke on her fake members only jacket. I was using the preferred method of the time, three boxes; one for yes, one for no, and one for maybe. I never really liked that maybe box. It left too much room for later embarrassment. The type of embarrassment that was awaiting me after my note fell into the hands of the demon seed.
Once she got her hands on my letter, she felt like it was her duty to share it with all of her girlfriends with whom she shared a table at lunch. I could see them pointing and giggling in the direction of my table in the lunchroom. Already a shy guy, this type of attention was the worst thing that could have happened to me. Soon, everybody was teasing me about my like for Kim. There was little doubt that word had even gotten back to her about my crush.
So I was expecting the worst when she approached me the next morning a couple of minutes before the first bell rung. I was standing in line outside the door of my homeroom class with my boys, Shane, Anthony, and Terry. I didn’t see her coming but Anthony tapped me and said, “Krush, check it out!” When I turned in that direction and saw the girl of my dreams coming toward me, I was tempted to run. I didn’t know if she was going to punch me in the face or, even worse, laugh in my face for thinking that she would feel the same way about me. She didn’t do either. She said, “Hey Krush!” and passed me her own note. I waited until I got to my desk to open it. The embarrassment from the day before was enough for one week. She had recreated my original note and checked the maybe box. At least she didn’t say no.
It seems as if most of today’s relationships are in that maybe box. I guess a little embarrassment is not anything compared to a broken heart. Somewhere along the line, putting a title on what you and your “friend” are doing is too much for some. I am not talking about two people who are in the early stages and still feeling each other out. I am talking about those people who are fully into the “relationship” and have developed serious feelings for one another. It is not just the guys who are feeling this way but it seems like a growing number of women that I meet are reluctant to make it “official” with their boo. Do not misunderstand what I am talking about, these folks are still doing all of the things that you do when you are in a relationship. They just aren’t calling it that. Most of the people that I have talked to that refuse to label their relationships will privately admit that they are madly in love. However, some of them will not even verbally admit that to their significant other. Somebody please explain this to me.
I guess there is some mysterious change in the relationship once you start calling it a relationship. It is similar to when you go from shacking up to being husband and wife. Although, I never really understood that one either.
Are you reluctant to put a title on your relationships? Why?
What changes in the relationship once it becomes official?
3.31.2008
Open Your Heart?
When we met, she said that she wanted a guy who could express himself. A brother who was not afraid to discuss his emotions with his woman. This was not the first time I had heard a sister express this desire for me to open up but it was the first time that I was seriously considering it. The women who had made this request in the past had not been the type of women who inspire a man to be his better self. They were the type of women that a man only gave the amount of effort necessary to keep the relationship going until it reached its expiration date. But she is different. She is the kind of woman that a man will get his shit together for and make sure it stays together so he can keep her around. So here I am, reaching deep inside and putting all my sensitive stuff on the table.
Despite what I said before, this is not the first time expressing my feelings to a woman. I just had not done it verbally. Like most men, I express my feelings for a woman by actions and not words. Any of my female friends who come to me for advice about dating will tell you that at some point I said to them, “Fuck what he said. What did he do?” The deeds of a man truly tell how he feels about a woman. That is how we express our love and devotion to our wives and our interest in potential girlfriends. However, every man reading this post can tell you about a conversation he’s had with a woman where she has told him that despite all he does for her she would love to hear how he feels every once and a while. My experience tells me that women ask for it but I am not sure if they really want to hear it.
As Jack Nicholson said in that movie, “You can’t handle the truth!” I had a sister tell me, after I had just opened up and expressed my interest in building a serious relationship with her, that she could not trust what I was saying; could not take me at face value because she did not know if I was just saying what I thought she wanted to hear. How do you overcome that type of mistrust? I understand that experience can make you suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true. However, it is what you asked for, right? It seems as if some women are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. They are so used to guys kicking game at them that a sincere gesture does not stand a chance. Of course, I know that I am making a generalization that does not apply to all women. Just speaking from my experience and from stories, I have heard.
Ladies:
Are you ready for the type of love you say you want?
Why is it so difficult to accept a man who is expressing his true emotions to you?
Men:
Have you ever opened your heart to a woman and she did not accept it?
Does it make you reluctant to express yourself more freely in a relationship?
Despite what I said before, this is not the first time expressing my feelings to a woman. I just had not done it verbally. Like most men, I express my feelings for a woman by actions and not words. Any of my female friends who come to me for advice about dating will tell you that at some point I said to them, “Fuck what he said. What did he do?” The deeds of a man truly tell how he feels about a woman. That is how we express our love and devotion to our wives and our interest in potential girlfriends. However, every man reading this post can tell you about a conversation he’s had with a woman where she has told him that despite all he does for her she would love to hear how he feels every once and a while. My experience tells me that women ask for it but I am not sure if they really want to hear it.
As Jack Nicholson said in that movie, “You can’t handle the truth!” I had a sister tell me, after I had just opened up and expressed my interest in building a serious relationship with her, that she could not trust what I was saying; could not take me at face value because she did not know if I was just saying what I thought she wanted to hear. How do you overcome that type of mistrust? I understand that experience can make you suspicious of anything that seems too good to be true. However, it is what you asked for, right? It seems as if some women are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. They are so used to guys kicking game at them that a sincere gesture does not stand a chance. Of course, I know that I am making a generalization that does not apply to all women. Just speaking from my experience and from stories, I have heard.
Ladies:
Are you ready for the type of love you say you want?
Why is it so difficult to accept a man who is expressing his true emotions to you?
Men:
Have you ever opened your heart to a woman and she did not accept it?
Does it make you reluctant to express yourself more freely in a relationship?
12.16.2007
Have you seen her?
How’s it going, family? It’s your man, Krush, back after a lovely week in Black Hollywood aka A-T-L, Jawga! First thing I want to say is that YOU BETTER GET RIGHT WITH THE LORD AND DO IT NOW. It was over 70 degrees every day of this week. It’s the middle of December! What is really going on? I bet Al Gore is somewhere with a sly smile across his face saying,”Y’all gone learn. Either you listen to me or learn the hard way but y’all are gone learn.”
My girl, Ebonne, had an interesting blog the other day about the “perfect” man for her and how the guys she deals with have to fit inside a box. Of course, she has exceptions to the rule but for the most part, she avoids dudes who are outside the boundaries of what she considers ideal future husband material. It made me wonder if I really know what I want in a woman. Have I really sat down and listed out the qualities that would make the perfect match for me? The answer was no. I have approached and talked to women who for some reason catch my attention or peak my interest. For the most part, this method has been effective in getting me interesting dates, crazy girlfriends and the occasionally deranged stalker. For example, I once had a dinner date with this sexy Jamaican/German woman from NY that I met while walking around Stone Mountain. We had talked on the phone a couple times before this and I have to admit that there was an instant chemistry. I guess because of these earlier conversations and a couple of drinks we downed while waiting for our table, the conversation took a turn to the freaky side. She suddenly asked me, “What is the wildest thing you’ve done sexually since your divorce?” I tell her about a couple chicks that I took home (not on the same night!) from happy hour at my neighborhood watering hole. She tells me that her and her last boyfriend used to swing and that she hosted a swinger’s party at her house…CHECK PLEASE!! Please believe that your boy is not a prude but I am not about to waste good money on a chick that I cannot proudly take anywhere because I do not know who in the place has touched her musn’t-touch-it!
Anyway, let’s get back to what I believe are the qualities that my perfect match should posses.
1. She has to have a nice smile. Pretty teeth, sexy lips, and fresh breath. I love to kiss and you can’t kiss on somebody whose grill is jacked up.
2. She has to keep her hair, nails, and toes done. I don’t think there is any excuse for a woman whose upkeep is a mess.
3. She has to have good fashion sense and a mean shoe game. Not necessarily trendy but a working knowledge of what looks good on her and how to emphasize her best assets. As a brother with a foot fetish, the first think I check out on a cute chick is her shoe game and her toes.
4. She has to have a good sense of humor. Life is too stressful not to laugh at you sometimes. I can’t stand somebody who is always serious.
5. She has to have similar tastes in music. A big part of my life is listening to music either at the crib, at a concert, at a club or in the ride. If she is constantly trying to eject my Erro CD so she can hear T-Pain, it’s a problem!
6. She has to have her own life. I could never be the guy with the girlfriend who is like his shadow. I’d rather be Stedman. I’ve never been afraid of a strong independent woman. Besides, no relationship works when you don’t have space to grow as an individual. You need to bring something to the experience.
7. She has to be good in bed. Any grown person knows that sex is a very important part of any relationship. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets! I can’t stand a pillow princess.
8. She has to be good in the kitchen. As you can tell from my pic, I love to eat. Now, I can navigate my way around kitchen myself but I would love to have a woman who can throw down. Besides if we really have a future she is going to have to come around my family and the only way to bond with the women is to join them in the kitchen during family functions.
9. She has to seek her own counsel. I can’t stand a sister who takes the advice of her friends and family to heart more than how she actually feels about it. All of us know that one of the main things that break up good relationships is taking advice from people who aren’t involved. Any female that I deal with will have to have a good head on her shoulders.
10. She has to love sports. Like most guys, I’m a sports fanatic. Fall, winter and spring weekends for me always revolve around some type of sporting event. Having an appreciation for that will go along way for any lady who wants to spend quality time with me. She doesn’t have to know everything about the game but if she did that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Those are the first ten things I thought about. I'm sure there are other things that should be on the list but we'll talk about them another time. So am I asking for too much or too little?
My girl, Ebonne, had an interesting blog the other day about the “perfect” man for her and how the guys she deals with have to fit inside a box. Of course, she has exceptions to the rule but for the most part, she avoids dudes who are outside the boundaries of what she considers ideal future husband material. It made me wonder if I really know what I want in a woman. Have I really sat down and listed out the qualities that would make the perfect match for me? The answer was no. I have approached and talked to women who for some reason catch my attention or peak my interest. For the most part, this method has been effective in getting me interesting dates, crazy girlfriends and the occasionally deranged stalker. For example, I once had a dinner date with this sexy Jamaican/German woman from NY that I met while walking around Stone Mountain. We had talked on the phone a couple times before this and I have to admit that there was an instant chemistry. I guess because of these earlier conversations and a couple of drinks we downed while waiting for our table, the conversation took a turn to the freaky side. She suddenly asked me, “What is the wildest thing you’ve done sexually since your divorce?” I tell her about a couple chicks that I took home (not on the same night!) from happy hour at my neighborhood watering hole. She tells me that her and her last boyfriend used to swing and that she hosted a swinger’s party at her house…CHECK PLEASE!! Please believe that your boy is not a prude but I am not about to waste good money on a chick that I cannot proudly take anywhere because I do not know who in the place has touched her musn’t-touch-it!
Anyway, let’s get back to what I believe are the qualities that my perfect match should posses.
1. She has to have a nice smile. Pretty teeth, sexy lips, and fresh breath. I love to kiss and you can’t kiss on somebody whose grill is jacked up.
2. She has to keep her hair, nails, and toes done. I don’t think there is any excuse for a woman whose upkeep is a mess.
3. She has to have good fashion sense and a mean shoe game. Not necessarily trendy but a working knowledge of what looks good on her and how to emphasize her best assets. As a brother with a foot fetish, the first think I check out on a cute chick is her shoe game and her toes.
4. She has to have a good sense of humor. Life is too stressful not to laugh at you sometimes. I can’t stand somebody who is always serious.
5. She has to have similar tastes in music. A big part of my life is listening to music either at the crib, at a concert, at a club or in the ride. If she is constantly trying to eject my Erro CD so she can hear T-Pain, it’s a problem!
6. She has to have her own life. I could never be the guy with the girlfriend who is like his shadow. I’d rather be Stedman. I’ve never been afraid of a strong independent woman. Besides, no relationship works when you don’t have space to grow as an individual. You need to bring something to the experience.
7. She has to be good in bed. Any grown person knows that sex is a very important part of any relationship. Lady in the streets, freak in the sheets! I can’t stand a pillow princess.
8. She has to be good in the kitchen. As you can tell from my pic, I love to eat. Now, I can navigate my way around kitchen myself but I would love to have a woman who can throw down. Besides if we really have a future she is going to have to come around my family and the only way to bond with the women is to join them in the kitchen during family functions.
9. She has to seek her own counsel. I can’t stand a sister who takes the advice of her friends and family to heart more than how she actually feels about it. All of us know that one of the main things that break up good relationships is taking advice from people who aren’t involved. Any female that I deal with will have to have a good head on her shoulders.
10. She has to love sports. Like most guys, I’m a sports fanatic. Fall, winter and spring weekends for me always revolve around some type of sporting event. Having an appreciation for that will go along way for any lady who wants to spend quality time with me. She doesn’t have to know everything about the game but if she did that wouldn’t be a bad thing.
Those are the first ten things I thought about. I'm sure there are other things that should be on the list but we'll talk about them another time. So am I asking for too much or too little?
11.27.2007
Can We Get Along?
Hello, fam! Back from the Thanksgiving break and feeling lovely. I went to DC to visit my homegirl, Ned. She is having her first baby and I couldn’t let the opportunity pass to see her all swole and to celebrate her pregnancy. In addition, I got a chance to meet some of her friends and family that I had only talked to on the phone or heard about through stories of their misadventures. I’ve already made enough threats to ensure that they will make a return visit to the A in the near future.
Meeting a parade of attractive single women who are having such a hard time finding a good brother to spend time with has inspired me to change the direction (as if it wasn’t just a bunch of random ramblings) of this blog. As a single- working –no child having-church going-straight black man in Hotlanta, I go through some crazy stuff trying to find a sister to date not to mention one that I want to marry, have kids with and live with happily ever after. I thought I would share some of my situations in hopes that it can help someone (hell, I hope it can be therapy for me!). Many of my female friends are consistently talking about meeting brothers who are trifling. Dudes with multiple baby-mamas, employment issues, funky living arrangements, possessive personalities, or still trying to be players. My male friends keep running into sisters with baby daddy drama, employment issues, needy personalities, past relationship trauma, or just plain stank attitudes. It seems like every time I am in a conversation about relationships there seems to be a great deal of stress in finding a suitable mate for both sexes. Nobody said it would be easy, but is it supposed to be this hard?
I ran across and old article regarding the biggest lies about Black male and female relationships. I thought it was interesting and a good way to get things started. You need to know what is truth and what is fiction.
1. Black relationships/Marriages Don’t Last
We all know that this isn’t true because we have relatives or friends who have been married for 20, 30, 40, and 50 years. Funny thing! None of these couples met at the club or on the internet.
2. Black Male/Female Relationships Are Only About Sex
Okay, this one is tough because so many folks out here are running around sleeping with people that they really don’t even know. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a very important part of a relationship. However, any lasting relationship has to be based on trust, commitment, and respect. If you have those things, the sex will be great.
3. All Black Male/Female Relationships Are Filled With Arguments, Hardship and Pain
Everybody’s relationship doesn’t have to be like Jody and Yvette in Baby Boy. If people deal with their own individual baggage before trying to hook up with somebody else, most of these problems would be avoided. In my experience, people don’t fight fair. You’ll never have peace if in the midst of an argument about paying bills you say, “That’s why I should have left your no fucking ass!” Trust me, that ain’t helping the situation. Don’t walk around with shit on your chest. Deal with the issues as they come up and don’t hold grudges.
4. All Black Men Cheat on Their Partners
First, you can’t say that “all” black men do anything. There are plenty of brothers out here who are faithful and find one good woman is more than enough for them. Unfortunately, some brothers allow ego and insecurity to push them to live up to the myth of the black stud. Those guys use what they think is their only weapon to strike out when their egos are bruised. I’ll never agree that this is the majority of dudes though. Hell, women are doing their fair share of cheating too. I know a couple sisters in Atlanta that have a string of brothers that don’t know anything about each other.
5. Black Women Can’t Hold Relationships Together Because They Are Too Domineering and Demanding
It’s crazy that the strength of black women can be used as a reason for relationships not working. Any dude saying this is just weak! This is the dude who gets into a relationship and decided that he wants to be The Man and lay down The Law but doesn’t really have a plan as to where he wants to go. Nobody in their right man would listen to that crap. I don’t care what type of woman it is, if she finds a man that she truly trusts and believes in there will not be a problem with her attitude. Brothers step your game up!
Basically, these are all the reasons that people believe it can’t work. What are your thoughts? We have to come up with a way to bridge this divide between brothers and sisters.
Meeting a parade of attractive single women who are having such a hard time finding a good brother to spend time with has inspired me to change the direction (as if it wasn’t just a bunch of random ramblings) of this blog. As a single- working –no child having-church going-straight black man in Hotlanta, I go through some crazy stuff trying to find a sister to date not to mention one that I want to marry, have kids with and live with happily ever after. I thought I would share some of my situations in hopes that it can help someone (hell, I hope it can be therapy for me!). Many of my female friends are consistently talking about meeting brothers who are trifling. Dudes with multiple baby-mamas, employment issues, funky living arrangements, possessive personalities, or still trying to be players. My male friends keep running into sisters with baby daddy drama, employment issues, needy personalities, past relationship trauma, or just plain stank attitudes. It seems like every time I am in a conversation about relationships there seems to be a great deal of stress in finding a suitable mate for both sexes. Nobody said it would be easy, but is it supposed to be this hard?
I ran across and old article regarding the biggest lies about Black male and female relationships. I thought it was interesting and a good way to get things started. You need to know what is truth and what is fiction.
1. Black relationships/Marriages Don’t Last
We all know that this isn’t true because we have relatives or friends who have been married for 20, 30, 40, and 50 years. Funny thing! None of these couples met at the club or on the internet.
2. Black Male/Female Relationships Are Only About Sex
Okay, this one is tough because so many folks out here are running around sleeping with people that they really don’t even know. Don’t get me wrong, sex is a very important part of a relationship. However, any lasting relationship has to be based on trust, commitment, and respect. If you have those things, the sex will be great.
3. All Black Male/Female Relationships Are Filled With Arguments, Hardship and Pain
Everybody’s relationship doesn’t have to be like Jody and Yvette in Baby Boy. If people deal with their own individual baggage before trying to hook up with somebody else, most of these problems would be avoided. In my experience, people don’t fight fair. You’ll never have peace if in the midst of an argument about paying bills you say, “That’s why I should have left your no fucking ass!” Trust me, that ain’t helping the situation. Don’t walk around with shit on your chest. Deal with the issues as they come up and don’t hold grudges.
4. All Black Men Cheat on Their Partners
First, you can’t say that “all” black men do anything. There are plenty of brothers out here who are faithful and find one good woman is more than enough for them. Unfortunately, some brothers allow ego and insecurity to push them to live up to the myth of the black stud. Those guys use what they think is their only weapon to strike out when their egos are bruised. I’ll never agree that this is the majority of dudes though. Hell, women are doing their fair share of cheating too. I know a couple sisters in Atlanta that have a string of brothers that don’t know anything about each other.
5. Black Women Can’t Hold Relationships Together Because They Are Too Domineering and Demanding
It’s crazy that the strength of black women can be used as a reason for relationships not working. Any dude saying this is just weak! This is the dude who gets into a relationship and decided that he wants to be The Man and lay down The Law but doesn’t really have a plan as to where he wants to go. Nobody in their right man would listen to that crap. I don’t care what type of woman it is, if she finds a man that she truly trusts and believes in there will not be a problem with her attitude. Brothers step your game up!
Basically, these are all the reasons that people believe it can’t work. What are your thoughts? We have to come up with a way to bridge this divide between brothers and sisters.
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